#034 Supporting A Coach: The True "Strength" in the Home

‌In this episode of the Decoding Excellence Show, I am discussing the unsung heroes in the coaching profession; be it the wives, husbands, and significant others in our relationships who support us and sacrifice so much - in order for us to do our very best work. In this show, I discuss many of the sacrifices these great people make on a daily basis, in order to illuminate our need to be grateful and appreciative of what they do. Our work is dependant on their many sacrifices and this Valentine's Day episode is in dedication to all of those that "strengthen" and support a coach in their life.

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Key Takeaways

• The partners and significant others of coaches make daily sacrifices that make our best work possible.
• Our work depends on their support, so gratitude and appreciation should be intentional, not assumed.
• This Valentine's Day episode is dedicated to everyone who strengthens and supports a coach.

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Episode Transcript

This transcript was automatically generated. While we strive for accuracy, some words or phrases may be misheard.

[00:00:00] Sport science, strength and conditioning, high performance coaching, welcome to the Coating Excellence Show.

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[00:02:20] Hey everybody, welcome to this week's Decoding Excellence Show. In this episode, we're going to be discussing something that I don't think many people talk about when they get into the field. Certainly, I have not heard it in any exercise science or kinesiology class. And that is the unintended consequences of people going into strength conditioning or high performance coaching or whatever. And the unintended consequences that has on are significant others. And also often in our profession, we champion, we glorify the long hours and we sort of wear that as an artificial badge of honor.

[00:02:56] I wanted to discuss, what are those consequences? But I also want to dedicate this Valentine's Day episode to all of the coaches and their significant others, their wives, their husbands, their boyfriends, girlfriends, fiancees for the work that they do in supporting a coach. So without further ado, here is our mini episode on the Decoding Excellence Show. Hey everybody, welcome to the Decoding Excellence Show. I'm excited to bring this show to you because today the recording day of this very episode is Valentine's Day. And it's a day that I think is important.

[00:03:35] I know this sounds cliche. You're tuning into a support science and strength conditioning podcast. And here we are talking about the wonders of Valentine's Day. But that is not really the case of what I wanted to discuss on this miniature or mini episode or random show. But I wanted to talk about something that has really resonated with me over the last few years. And that is we as coaches, sometimes more often, probably than not.

[00:04:08] I think maybe take for granted our significant others, our spouses. And for those that are going into this profession, and maybe might be naive and doesn't understand or don't understand all of the various sacrifices that one person will make going through this coaching journey, I want to sort of dedicate this episode talking about some of those things. And for the veterans that are listening to this show, this might be pretty obvious for you guys, right? We've all sort of lived it and we've gone through it. We try to manage it and we try to cultivate, I think, our relationships with our wives, our husbands, our girlfriends or boyfriends, fiancees, whatever it might be.

[00:04:54] You recognize that coaching in these hours, much like anything else, it can be stressful. It can be stressful in a relationship. It can be stressful on your significant others. And thus being Valentine's Day today, I thought it would be a great episode to sort of dedicate to that very discussion because I think it's an important one. Because what I often see as many of you as well that have interns, young interns, people just starting off in this profession is so often they just don't know what they don't know. And that is that their love for strength and conditioning, their love for fitness, their love for coaching, their love for physical development, whatever it might be. So often, that's the hook that gets them on the line, right? That's what begins their journey into coaching.

[00:05:51] And I think that's a noble cause, right? They have obviously a passion that they want to pursue and follow, and there's a medium for them to do it and still be financially capable of supporting themselves and a family in some extent. So often, nobody really discusses the dark sides, if you will, of coaching. And not that I want this to be all gloom and doom and to ruin the spirit of Valentine's Day. But I do think it's important to discuss these things so that we recognize A, what the problem is, and B, maybe some common solutions to what those problems typically are. So we start off with the passion, the passion of getting into coaching, the passion of actually starting this coaching journey. And like I said before, it's a noble cause, they get into it and they want to just pursue this and what we quickly find out for those people that have gone through this is that there is some incredibly long, long days. And I'm a father, I'm, you know, I have two beautiful children and a loving and lovely wife at home, but you know, in the reality of it, we work really long hours.

[00:07:11] And this is not, as Brett Bartholomew will talk, I'm not glorifying this at all, right? And I do think that's a common problem in our field and I will agree with my friend Brett on this is that, yeah, we have an industry that loves to glorify the grind, the work, the sacrifice, the, the, I'm in before you, I leave after you. And don't get me wrong, right? That's a part, some part of coaching that we, we have to do the job at the end of the day, we have to do the job. And the job might require long hours, but we should not as an industry A, be champion the fact that we work incredibly long hours or be glorifying those. But in the spirit of this episode, I wanted to illuminate, I wanted to illustrate that, yeah, we're going to sacrifice, we're going to work some incredibly long days. And what nobody really talks about or discusses or maybe they do now in undergraduate courses is we're preparing young strength conditioning coaches to enter the field.

[00:08:20] Well, we don't often discuss is the unintended consequences of this profession. And what those long hours means in a typical game day scenario for basketball or a long work day, you know, I might arrive to the facility at 6 a.m. For a morning team or 545, like I, like I did just now at our facility. And we might not get back home until 10 o'clock at night. And that's on a home home evening, right? And that's not a, you know, my family lives 15 minutes down the road. And I might not have the capability of seeing them for 16 hours or 15 hours through a given day. And I think it's important to say that because that is, that's challenging and that's straining on a relationship.

[00:09:14] And, you know, if I'm the first one to say it, shame on me, I suppose, but that can be very straining. So as coaches, I do think that we need to do a much better job. And this is maybe a reflection of my own thoughts. So I don't mean to project these thoughts on you guys, the listening audience listening to this. But I will personally come out and say that I need to do a better job of understanding that that is a stressor on everybody within my own family. But secondly, that we don't need a day like Valentine's Day to show appreciation to our significant others. Because truth, truth be told, none of us in this coaching profession that has wives or husbands or girlfriends or boyfriends or fiancees.

[00:10:03] None of us in this profession does it alone. And you go out and you ask any coach, any veteran coach has been doing this for a long time. Like I look in the eyes of my wife and recognize that she's just as much as a coach as I am. And she might not be on this weight room floor, but she's dealing with the winds and the losses and the emotional turmoil and the ups and downs. And she's sacrificing just as much as I am. And I don't think we need a commercial day like Valentine's Day to deliver flowers or chocolates or say that we love you or I love you. Because we should be doing that every single day.

[00:10:45] And so I'll step down from this metaphorical soapbox of mine and just say that any coach's wife out there, you guys are absolute rock stars. And I say this to my own wife that I completely am appreciative of your support and what you do for my family. But we as an industry of coaches need to be way more significantly appreciative of our wives. And I know some people out there have done a tremendous job of championing this. So I applaud you guys and I think we continue to need to do that. So just to sort of recap that aspect of it, the time parameters are restrictive.

[00:11:34] And because of that, the long days are industry need to champion those long days. That might be a secondary topic that we can talk about or discuss at some point in time. But those long days can be stressful for a relationship. Now, if you find yourself on another side of the coin, which is, ooh, now you're working with travel sports. What you're going to find is that you are now away from your family, not just for a 16 hour window. You're away for multiple days at a time.

[00:12:06] So that can even be challenging. And obviously with the advent of technology like FaceTime and Skype, we can be more connected than ever. And we can at least have a digital presence in families when your physical presence is being utilized on the road or during travel. So, and I think this extends much further than just coaching, right? We're not in a vacuum. We're not isolated away. I mean, there's people that travel for work all the time.

[00:12:40] And they have to find ways of making it work. But I do think it's important for us to at least discuss that there are these mediums where we can stay connected with the loved ones that we have. Like Skype or like FaceTime and making the time and the effort to do that and to continue to form those connections when our work and our duties take us away from the very ones that we love. So I did want to start with that because obviously I think what we'll see is that we do have an industry that demands long and a typical hours. We're not going to have a typical nine to five like an office worker or a lawyer or a different vocation, if you will. We typically and for those that are maybe listening and that are familiar with sort of the American collegiate sort of setting.

[00:13:40] But, you know, I always joke with colleagues and people outside of our industry when they when we start discussing strength and conditioning is that when they typically say a nine to five, I usually say a five to nine. We work all the hours that that they don't that doesn't exist within a typical nine to five right because a lot of the times athletes are in class or they're at practice and we're at practice as well. That's no we're no stranger to sideline or baseline duties or you know in zone duties or whatever it might be. But we you know it's it's a typical hours were typically working anywhere from five 30 in the morning to get set up to get things prepared for teams to come in up until nine. Those hours are critical times for you know pre class training and then athletes are in class from nine 10 11 12 maybe up to one and then there's afternoon practices that we have to warm teams up and we're present for and we have to work with athletes. I might have needs that take them off the basketball court or off their competitive court.

[00:14:50] And then and then the afternoon comes right and that's where after practice so anywhere from four o'clock to five to six to seven. If it's a game night you know in the basketball tips at eight thirty in the afternoon right where we're there eight thirty nine thirty ten thirty by the time athletes leave the facility. It's 11 o'clock at night and we're heading home and our family is asleep everybody is asleep and you you've essentially worked an entire day and you haven't seen your family. And that is not a I don't want to miss constru this random episode for oh pity this guy right this you know here's this guy that works within the collegiate setting and he's you know doesn't get to see his family now this is not the case of this episode whatsoever but I want to you know shine some light on this for those that are starting to get into this profession. You're you're in your exercise client exercise science kinesiology class right now and you're looking you're thinking man it's collegiate strength condition that seems really cool. And if that's this is you I want to say it is it's awesome it's one of the best professions out there I will not deny that at all but understand what you're getting yourself into because this is this is part of the the field this is part of it.

[00:16:15] Right wrong and different no other this is the reality that we exist and I wish that we could do what we do would not have the long hours. Not not champion them not glorifying them it is what it is and I don't foresee it changing anytime soon. So that is that's something I just wanted to chat briefly about is that yeah and we're no stranger to this we all know that we work long hours and we're going to be away from our family from time to time but. As I said a little bit earlier in this that one of the things that if you ask veteran coaches about is just the the unbelievable support that a significant other or spouse brings to a coaching journey or coaching life. And I look and and reflect quite often about the work that that my wife does to support my athletes and it seems weird you're like well that's that's that's different right she's not out here on the floor coaching every day a part of her is the spirit of her is. But I could not at all do what I do if I didn't have the rock steady support of my wife at home supporting building taking care of and building the homestead and the house in the way that she does and I say this all the time she is the CEO of our family absolutely without a shred of doubt I am 100% comfortable saying that.

[00:17:57] That she does so much to allow me and I say that to allow me the opportunity to do what I'm I'm great at and to do what I'm talented at and that is a sacrifice that she makes on her and I want to obviously applaud her publicly I eat the show but every coaches wife does that right and even and I want to say wife because there's tremendous female coaches out there that have husbands that do the same thing that make those sacrifices and for any of any of you guys out there that have you know the loving support of a wife or husband or significant other whatever it might be. I think we need a we need to take time and reflect and really thank them for what they do because here I am at the office preparing for my team to come in. And at this time just knowing what our family routine is my so my wife at this time would be at home preparing the children to get them off to kindergarten and and preschool. So she is either making breakfast or getting them dressed or getting them ushered into the car and then essentially trying to get them on time awake and off to school. And I think why that can be challenging especially as I'm here and she's the CEO of the homestead is that she is essentially almost in some respects a single parent for the time that I'm away.

[00:19:40] And I think for young coaches getting into the field regardless of gender whether you're a mother or your father and your significant other is the the other person that's taking care of the homestead in the house that that can be a very challenging job right and you know the old adage that it takes a village to raise a child I think is very much true. But what happens when significant members of that village is gone because of what their their duties are and their job duties are so I think it is important for people to understand is we're getting into this profession that you know you're we're going to place a lot of I don't want to say the word burden but we're going to place a little more stress on our significant others for what we do because of our. Because of our lack of presence being at the house so it would be great if it would be a nine to five position and you could help them out and get your children off to out of bed and dressed and ready and prepared and hair combed but it is something that I think we need to be grateful for for those of us that have a significant other at home that we need to thank them and be grateful for the sacrifices that they make. So that so that we can continue to do what we love to do and what we're we're really good at. But that's not to say that coaching or being a coaches wife or coaches husband or is you know being involved in a relationship with the coach is that it's all gloom and doom right I think the first 20 minutes of this show has been talking about the sacrifices that coaches significant others will make whether it's you know time away from the time away from family or if it's you know more stress and pressure to run and be the CEO of the household and what that means you know from a.

[00:21:41] Just taking care of the daily demands that comes with raising a family and having a family at home or if it is just the the pressures that that comes with it but there are really really great things to it you know and that is something I want to make sure that we continue to also illuminate is that what is really great about it is that you know like my wife has said right she feels the stresses and the win the emotional wins and the emotional losses and for her to have that connection with their sport programs through the work that that I do and that we do is is huge so when the team wins that she feels that she wins because she contributes to it and she supports it you know we talk about from a strength conditioning perspective being support staff well my support staff is you know the loving wife that I have at home so you know without her I can't do what I do and you know I think in some respects that our coaches and our athletes hopefully believe that that they can't perform to the level that they do without the great support team that surrounds their life so it you know this trickle down effect can be felt from every avenue from every place and I know you know my wife Brittany has said that multiple times that you know when the team wins

[00:23:11] That she feels like she wins and when the team loses that she feels like she loses and it's great to have that connection with the success or the failure of a program and I think it enriches the work that we do and it makes it more significant and it really starts to paint by numbers connect the dots a little bit from the work that people within the home can do and how they can support our lives and support our children support our family and support myself through the numerous sacrifices that they make how that actually affects the athlete because it certainly does because you know I just I so much wholeheartedly feel that without a good mindset and mind state coming from the home that it would be impossible for me to continue to come in every single day and do the work that we do with the same mental clarity and the same focus if if something is a stray at home so it has a huge upstream effect based on what we do and how the home life is so you know most most of this is this show has been talking about really just the

[00:24:30] Sacrifices that everybody makes when they go into coaching and we know that and that's I think is is echoed but I want to make sure that we also you know illuminate that there's so many good qualities about the work and the support that a significant other can do to help support a coach and not only the wins and losses in the emotional roller coaster that it goes but you know the connections and the relationships that a person can form like my wife and getting to know our athletes and to have a relationship with them and to you know follow them and to support them and to be able to do that digitally or physically you know whether is you know occasional meals or you know little snacks or just little things to really go out and show that that we as a family support them not only as athletes but but maybe more so and more personally and more importantly them is as human beings them as people because that ultimately that's what they are more so than an athlete so I just wanted to take this

[00:25:40] And really dedicate it to those out there that are involved or in a relationship with a coach I feel more like a psychiatrist right now than I do a strength coach but I just want to dedicate this episode to everyone that is supporting a coach a coach right so whether you're the husband and wife whatever you're all coaches anybody that's involved with a coach is ultimately a coach you just maybe a coach to a coach and you allow them to do their best work so for this Valentine's Day wanted to say thank you to everyone and also want to dedicate this one to my wife that I love you and this has been an awesome journey and I can't do it without you so until next time thanks for tuning into the Decoding Excellence show hey everybody thanks for tuning in to this week's episode of the Decoding Excellence show hopefully we didn't scare you away from coaching hopefully

[00:26:50] You can take some information away from this episode but ultimately realize that we don't need a day a commercialized day like Valentine's Day to say thank you to our significant others for the sacrifices that they make we can all be greater coaches right just by dedicating our focus our attention our efforts to the athletes that we work with on a daily basis but we also need to have a whole world of gratitude and be grateful and thankful for the people in our lives people that support us so that we can support our athletes so this like I said in the throughout the episode this episode is dedicated to all of the significant others that are supporting coaches and I just want to say thank you for the sacrifices that you've made and as always there's a number of different ways that you can support the show right the first thing is I have a monthly newsletter that goes out it is located

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[00:30:02] Thank you for supporting the Decoding Excellence show