The 4:1 Principle
In a conversation with Mike Boyle, I was advised that I had two eyes, two ears but only one mouth; as a rule for interning, use a 4-1 ratio. This doesn't mean to always be a shy introvert who never speaks their mind, but rather learn to listen and observe. Don’t be the individual who asks every question in inappropriate times. Understand that your role as an intern is built on a principle that each party benefits. The employer gets a helping hand while providing you as an intern with an opportunity to learn. While you are not full time staff, make it your priority to act like you were.
An idea that I’ve always lived by was “dress for the job you want, not the job you have”. That doesn’t mean you have the power to always walk the walk, however, learn to carry yourself in a professional manner that is above your duty. Hold higher expectations for yourself than any of your superiors and demand only excellence out of your performance. If you feel you are not meeting your own expectations – go back to the literature and read, attend summits, buy coffee and arrange a meeting with local experts, coaches, etc. Do what it takes to achieve your goal.
• Two eyes, two ears, one mouth: listen and observe four times as much as you speak.
• Your role as an intern is a two-way deal: the employer gets a helping hand, you get an opportunity to learn.
• Act like staff before you are staff. Hold higher expectations for yourself than any superior holds for you.
• Nobody is coming to develop you. That is your job: read, attend summits, buy coffee, meet experts.
Listening Is A Coaching Superpower
Here is what twenty years has taught me about that 4:1 ratio. It is not just an intern rule. It is a coaching rule.
The best coaches I know listen first and speak second. They read the room before they try to run it. My friend Brett Bartholomew calls this developing your "socio-emotional feel," and he is right. You cannot coach a person you have not bothered to understand.
When a young coach walks into my weight room and immediately starts telling athletes what to do, I see a problem. Not because they are wrong, but because they skipped the most important step. Watch first. Learn the culture. Understand the standard before you try to set one.
Two ears, one mouth. That ratio never expires.
Why Is Listening A Coaching Superpower?
What I Learned Running The Internship Program At Wichita State
At Wichita State, I ran our strength and conditioning internship program. Eight interns per semester. Day-to-day education, curriculum development, and in-the-trenches teaching.
The interns who thrived were never the ones who knew the most on day one. They were the ones who lived the 4:1 principle without being told. They showed up early. They watched how the full-time staff coached. They asked questions at the right time, not every time. And they carried themselves like professionals from the first session.
For young coaches, I collected the advice I wish someone had given me at the start:
The interns who struggled had a different pattern. They wanted to prove themselves immediately. They coached before they observed. They asked questions to sound smart instead of to get smart. The weight room has a way of exposing that quickly.
Here is what I told every intern class: your job is not to impress me. Your job is to become someone the athletes trust. Trust is not built with knowledge. It is built with presence, consistency, and care. You cannot shortcut trust. You cannot microwave relationships.
What Separated The Interns Who Thrived From The Ones Who Struggled?
Act Like Staff Before You Are Staff
"Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" is not about clothes. It is about standards.
Hold higher expectations for yourself than any of your superiors hold for you. Demand excellence out of your own performance before anyone asks for it. Prepare ruthlessly. Be a great teammate. Leave your baggage at the door.
Those are the three things I ask of my athletes every single day, and I ask the same of every young coach who works for me. The standard does not change based on your title.
If you feel you are not meeting your own expectations, do not complain about it. Go back to the literature and read. Attend summits. Buy coffee and arrange a meeting with local experts and coaches. Do what it takes to achieve your goal. Nobody is coming to develop you. That is your job.
What Do You Do When You Are Not Meeting Your Own Expectations?
The 4:1 Principle For Life
Mike Boyle gave me intern advice. It turned into career advice, and then into life advice.
Listen four times as much as you speak. Observe before you act. Carry yourself above your current station. And never stop doing the work to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be.
Leadership is a skill that can be taught, and it needs to be practiced often. The 4:1 principle is one of the simplest practice reps I know. Use it daily.